Content note: discussion of eating disorders
I took these photos almost a year ago now—in late October when I was coming towards the end of a virtual intensive outpatient treatment program. It was the only way I knew of that I could get help for my eating disorder while also working a full-time job and keeping the insurance benefits to cover my treatment.
I finally had energy to go explore the outdoors again, but my treatment team was concerned I would do too much too fast, and I’d just been put on a movement restriction and reminded that health, not weight loss, is the real goal.
I took a short walk with my dogs in the swampy woods near my house one evening to clear my head. I didn’t want to trust my treatment team to help me after growing up in a controlling, abusive household. It’s fighting a war in your own head, when your past collides with your present and keeps you from being able to heal the way you need.
I’m remembering this now because last summer, I was very sick for several weeks from bottled water gone bad, with 103 degree fever, in and out of the emergency room while trying to work at a summer camp. My dream was to live in my camper all summer with my furbabies, and it was going all wrong.
My eating disorder said, “Maybe this will cause you to lose weight finally.” It’s those difficult times that it’s loudest.
But now I knew how to fight it better. My stomach is healing, and I’m able to eat more normally now thanks to daily probiotics.
Whatever your struggle is, it doesn’t have to own you.
My nutritionist often tells me that a setback doesn’t have to stop your recovery and you can always decide to take the next step towards getting better.
Be well, my friends.
Eleanor Skelton 